Destiny Intertwined

Unseen fairy wings
Luminescent wishes
Flip her lightly from each moment
Kiss and caress

Entombed thoughts
Guilt shame and remorse
Bind his every attempted lift
Hope and dream

Fortunate accident
Colliding opposites
Balancing extremes briefly
Release and Namaste’

-Theo

Change the Mood

Ok.

So, enough of this gloom and dispair, angst and pain. I'm going to post something light and uplifting, positive and affirming.

Honest. I am. Really.

The Fading of Joy

If the smile we display to the world is but a patina, a shell, laid over the pain and disappointment of our living, the years will wear it away, slowly, and the vibrant superficial colors of joy will give way to the solemn hues of gray. Thus is the disenchantment of age.

Yet, there are those who seem to yet revel in life, singing with brilliant voices, not untouched by life's scaring, but joyful still.

How do they do it?

"Tears And Rain"

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

-James Blunt

April Showers

Descending thoughts
Showers of regret and remorse
Assault my thoughts
Sullen moods cloud my feelings

Dampness invades
Soaked memories and dreams
Weigh upon my joy
Fridgid anger crashes my spirit

-Theo

Would that the seasons of being might be more gentle upon me. Doesn't the warmth of spring promise more than cold rain and gentle breezes? Now must be my time to stand alone in the rain. It is my rain after all. The wind-fall of my deeds, my memories, my failures. Funny, nothing observable in my life has changed. My children seem to thrive, my job is good work, my marriage still stands firm...enough. Yet, so much seems to have shifted within me.

Perhaps it is time again to turn energy to the ever continuing process of recovery. I am, after all, a recovering addict, and although by all measure of things, the years have brought me to a place of being an acceptable, responsible and productive member of society, I remain within an addict. I have been attending meeting a bit more frequently recently. It is a start.

The rains continue.