From My Window to Your Home

Merry Christmas and Peace to All

Better

There is no secret formula, but the remedy is still too illusive.

Thanks to words of kindness from and time with friends, I feel more comfortable. The process was gradual, and still I can mark the moment my mood finally adjusted completely.

I volunteered recently to spend an hour ringing the Salvation Army bell. A service group I am a member of has the responsibility and I signed up. Something about standing there, ringing that little bell and forcing myself to say "Merry Christmas" to passers-by removed the last of the veil of dankness from my life.

Now, on to the holidays. Come Spirit of joy and life!

Advent

Be it internal chaos or external over stimulus or something altogether different, I find no real joy in this impending holiday season.

I am happy enough. I am satisfied enough. I am painfully aware of how many things are not and are never going to be what I desire. My acceptance is low. My serenity, tentative. I am approaching apathy on many fronts.

I want to eat cake and drink whole milk. I want to spend money and own new things. I want to feel different and that for me is always a dangerous thing.

I have lived with this awareness awhile. I am tired of it. I am tired of struggling with me and knowing that neither the struggle or my failure will successfully save me from me.

These are dark personal days in need of light.