Departing

My grandfather is dying. He has lived 94 long and powerful years. There is no grief over the span or quality of his life. His family has grown, along with him, to replace any misgivings and injury of history with a real and current admiration and warmth. His is a life worth celebrating and he is a person worth having known.

I have spent three days visiting with family as they have gathered to share in his ending. I have spent two nights alone with him, but for the beeping of monitors and the peripheral movement of nurses and technicians. He is not cognitively alert, although I suspect he is more aware than he can demonstrate.

The most amazing and challenging aspect of it all is the interpersonal dynamic of my family. In such time of pain and stress I find myself moving in and out of a family functioning largely on self. Everyone is about their own stories, feelings, needs and ideas. There is little room for silence, prayer and just being. They seem to be living in their worries and words with a constant agitation.

I chose and cherish the over-night duty I did with my grandfather in his ICU room. There, among the sanctuary of our time I was able to simply be with him and myself. We really have no unfinished business. I am at peace with his dying. He is suffering some, but this too is part of the final journey for him. I love him and have let him go.

I have traveled back to my home now. My life is here; my wife, children and vocation. I won't be going back until time for the funeral. The other members of my family continue their vigilance and he his. This is as it is and I believe the Divine is working some more things out during this remaining time.

I don't really have a story to tell here. I just wanted to put some of this into words, for now.